Decisions, decisions
I am struggling a lot right now trying to make wise choices about how to use my time and energy. (Who doesn't, anyway?) I've been asked in the past several weeks to: bring meals to families with new babies (no one needs to tell me how much it will be appreciated, but still I feel like I need to be the one receiving meals); help with VBS (fun, worthy cause, but also draining); and teach a beginning Spanish class for homeschoolers in my area of town (right up my alley, but again, very time-consuming and draining). I also have a big long list of people that I'd like to have over and get to know better, but haven't because I'm exhausted all the time, and I feel like I'm doing well just to make dinner for the three of us. And I feel like I've let the few relationships that I do have start to disintegrate, because I simply don't have the energy to call or write to people.
I know I have very limited energy, and it's hard to judge in advance how much I'm capable of (not as hard to judge in retrospect). Do I agree to do things that I feel obligated (and want) to do, and then just hope and pray that God will give me the energy? I've tried this before, and sometimes it works and sometimes not. Or do I say no to everything until my body is healthier? My energy level is not improving at all, but I don't want to live the rest of my life waiting to serve others until I feel better, because I'm not sure I ever will. Sometimes when I serve others, it helps me get the focus off of myself, and I end up feeling energized, happy that I was able to help someone. Other times, when I attempt to serve others, I feel worse because I end up stretching my limited energy too thin. How do I know beforehand which it will be? Is it better to commit to something and then back out, or not commit at all? How do I walk the line between taking care of myself, and taking care of others? I'd love to know if anyone knows anyone who is good at this, and how they do it....
I know I have very limited energy, and it's hard to judge in advance how much I'm capable of (not as hard to judge in retrospect). Do I agree to do things that I feel obligated (and want) to do, and then just hope and pray that God will give me the energy? I've tried this before, and sometimes it works and sometimes not. Or do I say no to everything until my body is healthier? My energy level is not improving at all, but I don't want to live the rest of my life waiting to serve others until I feel better, because I'm not sure I ever will. Sometimes when I serve others, it helps me get the focus off of myself, and I end up feeling energized, happy that I was able to help someone. Other times, when I attempt to serve others, I feel worse because I end up stretching my limited energy too thin. How do I know beforehand which it will be? Is it better to commit to something and then back out, or not commit at all? How do I walk the line between taking care of myself, and taking care of others? I'd love to know if anyone knows anyone who is good at this, and how they do it....
posted by Elisabeth | 2:22 PM
4 Comments:
I love your post! So many people in our American society--even within the church--are WAY over committed, so I think it is wise to put thought and prayer into how many things you commit to. Running around like a chicken with your head cut off is not the way we, as Christians, should portray the Christian life to an unbelieving world. However, I do believe that God calls us to love, serve, and give of our time and resources sacrificially. Sometimes that does mean serving when we're tired and really just want to rest :) I have found it helpful to ask God, "What does it look like to be FAITHFUL in this situation?" Sometimes that means saying "yes," and sometimes it means saying "no." The next prayer is, "Lord, give me the strength to be obedient to what you have shown me I should do." He will always give us exactly what we need to serve for HIS glory!
Elisabeth,
I'm so glad you wrote this post because you had written something similar to me in a recent email and I had meant to write you back, but between sick kiddos and stitches in my finger and just general forgetfulness, I didn't do it. Enough of my excuses. :)
I read something recently that made me think of your situation. It made me want to remind you that you are serving others...Steve and Rebecca. Supporting your husband, playing with and loving your daughter, making meals, taking care of the house as well as you can right now, changing Rebecca's diaper ( :o) ) are all ways you are faithfully serving them and God. Sometimes we forget that it does "count" to serve our own families. Not that we're supposed to keep score or anything. :)
From what I've heard from you and seen in you, I don't think you are using your limited energy and unhealthy body as excuses not to serve. It sounds like you genuinely want to serve, which probably makes everything even more frustrating. We as believers are all called by God to serve and there are a million opportunities around us to do so. But we are all in different seasons of our lives and are more or less available to serve because of the circumstances in those seasons. I'm sure you know this, but I'm thinking out loud here. :) God our Father loves you and is pleased with you as his daughter not because you are volunteering for five different things, but because Jesus is your righteousness. I'm so glad that's true!
I don't know if this is Biblical or not, but I don't think you should feel guilty for not doing all those things. You are serving your family. Maybe that's all you can do right now. Pray that God would eventually give you strength to do more. And by more, I mean, maybe a day of VBS instead of all the days. And remember too, that Rebecca will be more and more independent over the next few years, which might free you up a little. Not that you need to fill up that time with other things, but just to say that it does get easier in some ways as they get older.
And on a side note on the meals, have you and Steve thought about approaching the elders or deacons of CTK to inform them about your health struggles and your need to be supported by the church. I think we, the church, and people in general, are good at helping in short bursts (i.e. bringing meals to families with new babies for a couple of weeks), but it's hard to help over the long term. Maybe people from church could help with a meal or cleaning your house or getting your groceries or watching Rebecca. I know it's hard to ask for help. I'm so bad at asking and have too much of an independent streak in me. :)
Gotta go. Ally's awake.
Well said, Rebecca! I think it's so hard to give advice in this kind of situation because you don't know someone else's heart or abilities. Asking for God to make "what does faithfulness look like today" clear sounds like you hit the nail on the head.
I'd also recommend you ask Steve what he thinks. Troy often gives me a good perspective on things because he knows me and my energy as well but isn't burdened by the emotions of how I'm feeling at the moment or fearing feeling in the future. He gives me the freedom to say no (that I would otherwise feel guilty about) and encourages me to persevere when he thinks something is really important.
Thanks for all your encouragement, my friends! I wish this had an easier solution. I'll try to address a few of your comments.
I do ask Steve what he thinks, but since he and I are the same personality type, he doesn't have a fresh or different perspective very often, and he doesn't know how to advise me, because he sees the same pros and cons to different opportunities as I do, and he can't judge any better than I can how soon I will burn out.
A few people from church, both our specific one, and the larger Church, have occasionally offered to help, and I do appreciate it when they can take care of Rebecca while I go to the doctor, or fix a meal for us. However, it seems like most of the other families in our church are are almost as unavailable as we are...either they have young kids and are exhausted all the time themselves; or they have older kids and are spending all their time on their childrens' educational and recreational activities; or if they have no children at home, they are working to save so they can provide for future children, or working after the children have left home so that they can support themselves when they are unable to work anymore. Plus, it doesn't help that everyone lives so far apart and it takes forever to get anywhere. I often wish I lived in a communal culture where multiple families lived on the same plot of land, and all the women washed clothes together and cooked together and watched each others' children all day long, and no one ever moved away.
I think the most helpful thing for me to remember is that God made me the way He did for a reason, and He doesn't expect me to do more than He made me capable of doing. And just because I don't have the same abilities and energy level as most of my friends and acquaintances do, it doesn't mean that he values me any less. These things I have known in my head for a long time, but they haven't finished seeping down into my heart.
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