The cutest member of my medical team

May I introduce Dr. Rebecca Rizzotti, our household medical resident. She is a very unique doctor and will be in high demand one day. She can detect when I am not feeling well, without me having to say a word. She is very well-informed about nutrition and can tell you exactly which foods are good or bad for us and we travel through the grocery store. Although she likes her stethoscope and other medical kit accessories, she is still scared of blood and needles, and gets very concerned whenever she sees me about to use them, and thinks that if she doesn't watch, it won't hurt me. She knows the names of the four doctors I see most often, and likes to pretend to be each one, in turn. Her current favorite is our new chiropractor, and she likes to pretend to adjust her father and I, as well as her stuffed animals. (This would actually be a very good career option for her, as chiropractic medicine is non-invasive, but very hands-on.)

Although she very much enjoys administering medicine and supplements, and monitoring my blood sugar (by pressing buttons on my CGMS and telling me to drink juice if it is too low and to rest if it is too high), the treatment she prescribes most often (no matter the ailment) is the most important one: a big hug will cure anything! (Or, in the words of her favorite Bible verse, "A joyful heart is good medicine." Prov. 17:22) We are hoping that she will get to use her skills one day to either take care of her parents in their old age, or to be a medical missionary...or both!

Three and a half

Today is Rebecca's half birthday (as in, she turned 3 1/2). She is 39 1/4 inches tall and weighs 35 pounds. She is transitioning into size 5 clothing, and 10XW shoe size. Her favorite foods (judging by what she requests most often) are fruit (all kinds), carrots, almonds, noodles, rice, crackers, pumpkin oatmeal, dark chocolate chips, and ice cream (which she only gets to have on special occasions), but she will eat almost anything, and will ask for a salad when we go to Chick-Fil-A. Her favorite color changes at least weekly, if not daily, and her favorite clothes are the ones that have the largest variety of colors in them, especially if they have flowers, butterflies, hearts, or dots. She loves anything soft, and likes to wear pajamas whenever we are at home.

She continues to love books and is now an amazingly proficient reader (no credit on my end...God just made her brain so that she pretty much taught herself to read!). She recently learned days of the week and likes to talk about what is going to happen on each day. Other activities she enjoys are singing; taking her babies and stuffed animals shopping in her shopping cart and then putting them to bed; playing doctor and helping Mommy take her medicine; cooking (both pretend and the real thing); and playing outside, especially now that the weather is so nice. She is eager to help with household chores, including emptying the dishwasher, folding and putting away clothes, and putting thing in the compost pile.

I love listening to her talk and knowing what her little mind is thinking about (as long as I get a break here and there). Her favorite topics of conversation revolve around God, family (particularly where all our relatives live, what we did the last time we saw them, and when we will see them next), her activities, how Mommy is feeling today, and why Daddy has to go to work. Her enthusiastic, heartfelt hugs are treasured by all who recieve them (except maybe a few shyer playmates). We continue to be very grateful that she is such an easy child to love and take care of.

This is the first year we have really celebrated Rebecca's half birthday, and since Gran was visiting, we did something special and went to a ranch yesterday. We could have not had more perfect weather! We brought a picnic lunch (salad, Terra chips, and fruit, since bread is off-limits now), and then watched Rebecca have fun riding a train, petting lots of animals, play in a bounce house, riding a pony, go on a hay ride, feed a cow, swing on the swings, eat ice cream, and pick out a pumpkin to bring home. The only thing missing was a kite, but Gran put that on her list to get Rebecca for Christmas.

It was a lovely day, but we were all tired at the end.

The little encourager I wake up to

When Rebecca woke me up yesterday morning (she's been my alarm clock for the majority of the days since she was born), she came bouncing cheerfully into my bedroom holding one of her hymn books, saying, "Let's sing a hymn together, Mommy!" The one she had picked out was "When We All Get to Heaven." Can't think of a better way to start my day! God, in his unfathomable mercy, gave one of the happiest little girls in the world to one of the most lifeless mommies!

Being sick is a full-time job

Wondering where all my time goes and why I feel like I'm always telling my 3-year-old daughter she has to wait for me to play with her, I decided to log the number of hours I spend being sick (and doing other things as well). Really, since I have multiple chronic diseases, I am sick 24/7; but there are specific activities that take time that I have to do just to keep my head above water, and it turns out that they take up enough time to equate to at least a part-time job, if not a full-time one.

For example, in the last three days alone, here is what I've been spending my time doing:
-check blood sugar (mulitple times a day)
-change infusion set
-change CGMS sensor
-order insulin pump supplies online
-call to CGMS company to complain that two sensors in a row failed prematurely and argue about why and request replacements
-explain to 3-year-old that she absolutely cannot interrupt me while I am talking on phone
-download CGMS data and send to company to prove sensor failed
-be grateful our insurance at least covers diabetes needs, if nothing else
-call insurance company to contest error in claim for allergy testing
-research causes and treatments for chronic fatigue (just like I've been doing for the past several years)
-try to discern help from hype in medical and health literature
-realize that I probably have at least two additional conditions that are as of yet undiagnosed
-try to find doctors who are familiar with suspected conditions and treatments desired who take insurance (easy to spend hours upon hours on this)
-come to the conclusion that I will probably have to pay large amounts of money to see a doctor -who is familiar with testing and treatment I think I need
-update FSA status to figure out what we have not yet filed and how much is left in account
-try to find missing medical receipts that have not been reimbursed
-adjust budget to reflect increase in expected medical expenses, for the umpteenth time this year
-request allergy cookbooks from library
-go to library to pick up allergy cookbooks and renew books on chronic fatigue that I have already renewed the maximum number of times online
-browse through allergy cookbooks yet again to find recipes
-weed out recipes that still contain ingredients I am allergic to, even though they're in the special allergy cookbook
-take stock of which ingredients I already have
-make grocery list of needed items for new recipes
-spend lots of time at grocery store looking for unusual ingredients (and still not find everything) -spend lots of time reading labels at grocery store and suffer disappointment for everything I can't eat
-spend lots more time than I used to cooking since I can't buy any prepared foods and I am not familiar with new recipes yet
-spend time treating low blood sugar and waiting to feel better until I can do anything else
-try to decide if 3-year-old gets to share my special allergen-free food that costs 5 times as much as regular food (she wants the exact same thing I'm eating)
-take allergy shots
-take nutritional supplements (four times a day, over 20 pills a day)
-take stock of supplements to see when I will need to order more
-call Dr. office to order more allergy drops
-read and comment on chronic illness blogs
-read news related to "health-care" legislation and mourn
-order thyroid refill
-call doctor to ask why I haven't gotten lab results from three weeks ago
-call different doctor to make appt.
-bemoan the fact that chiropractor is on vacation this week
-stand in shower to try to relieve muscle pain
-communicate to friends and relatives frustrations of various aspects of above list
-wonder if life will ever get any easier
-mourn the fact that 3-year-old stays up late one night being scared that she will have to go to the doctor and get blood drawn and it will hurt
-wonder what I should be doing to prevent my child from getting any of my chronic diseases
-wonder if I need to get child tested for allergies
-mourn the fact that I have a very limited social life, simply because I spend so much time being sick
-cry uncontrollably due to frustration
-decide that eating something I crave will make me feel better
-lose battle to only eat things that I am not allergic to
-try to explain to 3-year-old why I am crying
-wonder what God is preparing me for that is even worse than the collection of medical problems I have now
-rejoice that 3-year-old gives good hugs

The above things were only in the last three days, and they are regular occurances. In a typical week, I can also add things like finding babysitters for doctor's appointments; preparing for doctor's appointments (making lists of supplements and dosages, lists of symptoms and concerns in order of severity, etc.); and going to doctor's appointments, which typically take a few hours if you include transportation time and waiting time (I've had six appointments in the last month).

Imagine doing all these things day after day, month after month, year after year, and getting more and more piled on top of you every year. If I ignore anything, I will get worse. It does NOT get easier with time. Some people may get used to being chronically sick, but those people are not me.

I do have one silver lining: at my appointment on Friday, I got the first opportunity I have ever had in almost 16 years of being diabetic to share the gospel with someone who had the same disease I did; an opportunity that I would not have gotten if I had not had diabetes. Don't know if anything I said will make a difference, but at least I got to say it. And I suppose that if there is even just one soul in heaven because I suffer ill health daily for years on end, then I am willing to suffer. The hard part is being willing to suffer even if there are zero souls in heaven because of my suffering. Of course, there are always the indirect results that are possible, too...like, maybe my one and only child will grow up to be a medical missionar, sharing the gospel with hundreds or thousands of souls, which she may not have had the desire to do if she did not grow up with a chronically ill mother who always wanted to be a missionary.

I think with each passing day I am able to understand more and more how Jesus must have felt being stuck with a human body that experienced fatigue and pain, and therefore appreciate his sacrifice for me. I wish that I could handle it half as well as He did....

God's provision

I have been thinking a lot in recent weeks about what the Bible means when it says that God shall supply all our needs. This has been on my mind because I believe that if certain legislation currently being considered in Congress becomes law, it will not be long before (what I perceive as) some very real needs of mine, not to mention those of others more helpless than myself, are not adequately met. Even if there is not any health care "reform" any time soon, it is not far from unlikely that between the rising cost of health care and the looming national debt, the same would happen eventually anyway, though not as quickly.

I know that there are Christians around the world who are in starving, or enslaved, or being physically or emotionally persecuted because of their faith. Is God supplying their needs? If so, does that mean that food and freedom and physical and emotional health are not real needs? If not, then does the promise only apply to life after Christ's second coming?

And when we are told in the Psalms not to worry when men succeed in their wicked ways, because it will not last, does that mean that it will not last while we are still alive, or that it will last until Jesus comes again? Does anyone else wonder about these things? Am I the only one that must confess my sin of worry multiple times a day?